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"None of those who have Hell before their eyes will fall into Hell. No one of those who despise Hell will escape Hell.... Nothing is so profitable as to converse concerning Hell. It renders our souls purer than any silver."  

~St. John Chrysostom~

BOOK

Dating 

Dear Aaron,

            Well, it didn’t take long for that to happen. I was thinking after my last e-mail that I should have warned you of the attack to come. Whenever we as Christians get into the battle, Satan attacks, and he knows all of our weaknesses. Of course, there is no better way to trip up a young college guy than with sex.

So if I can sum up your e-mail, you’ve begun dating a beautiful young lady, to whom you are fiercely attracted, and you don’t know whether you can control yourself. Believe me I understand, but before we go on, remember, Satan can ruin your testimony if he can ruin your character. It doesn’t matter how much knowledge you possess; if you don’t live the life, people will see you as a hypocrite and won’t listen to what you have to say. So be prepared; this is where the devil will hit you over and over again. The struggle can be excruciatingly painful, and the battle fierce, but if you hang in there and don’t give up, God will use it to purify you, and in the end you will be rewarded with Christ likeness.

Now as far as the girl goes, I think I am being true to the Christian perspective when I say that there is no reason to date someone unless you are thinking that at some future point you may want to marry her. So considering that she is not a Christian, there doesn’t seem to be any reason for you to be dating her. That may sound harsh, and in your present state of infatuation almost impossible to believe, but marriage is difficult enough without attempting to blend two completely different worldviews.

One of the things that has greatly helped in my marriage to your Aunt is that since we are both Christian, we are in agreement on the important issues of life. There are enough problems to hammer out in marriage without coming into it from two very different understandings of the world.

Another aspect of this, which must be considered, is children. I realize kids are the furthest thing from your mind right now, but they are the end result of the passion that is burning within you, and you would do well to keep that in mind. Most couples do have children, and I am sure you are going to want to bring yours up in the Christian faith. Imagine how confusing it would be for your kids to have parents of two different faiths. Many who find themselves in that situation either reject both religions, or create a strange amalgamation of the two, and I’m fairly certain neither of those options would appeal to you.

Even if for some reason you weren’t going to have children, a Christian marriage is supposed to be a union of two souls and bodies, which are an image of the relationship between Christ and His Church. How can you possibly accomplish this with an unbeliever? My suggestion is, since the relationship is still in its infancy, keep it at a friendship level, and be more concerned about her soul than her body. If at some point in the future she has an honest conversion, then dating under the right conditions would be acceptable. Just keep in mind that dating is an exclusive relationship, and there is no reason to be exclusive with someone unless you are progressing towards marriage.

Even so, and even with a Christian girl, some precautions would be in order. First of all, since men are turned on sexually by sight, the woman should dress modestly so as to not unnecessarily add fuel to a fire that is sure to be already burning. The woman on the other hand is turned on primarily by touch. This is why the apostle Paul said it is better for a man not to touch a woman. The sexual act does not begin when the clothes come off, but with that first kiss or gentle touch. In other words, it is best not to start that which you are not planning to finish. There have been many young couples who have gotten into trouble thinking they could go part way and then stop. I don’t know about women, but as guys, once we get started, everything in us screams to finish the job. So it’s best not to start down that road.

Once you are married there will be plenty of time for sex. For now find a good Christian woman, and work on getting to know her. After all, the time spent having sex in marriage, while important, is miniscule compared to the time spent simply living together as partners. In the end, I think you’ll find the latter to be more fulfilling than the former.

I hope this letter wasn’t too harsh. I would just hate to see you go down the wrong road. You’ve got so much potential, but in the end the choice is yours to make. God seeks to woo you, but you are a sovereign person with a free will. I just hope you use it for the good, and not for indulging temporary passions. Please keep me apprised of the situation, and I will certainly be praying for you. 

Your concerned uncle,

Greg