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"None of those who have Hell before their eyes will fall into Hell. No one of those who despise Hell will escape Hell.... Nothing is so profitable as to converse concerning Hell. It renders our souls purer than any silver."  

~St. John Chrysostom~

      BOOK

Condom Use 

 Dear Aaron,

            You certainly are going at this from every possible angle. I must say I admire your persistence. I only wish it was taking you in the right direction. I’d be tempted to blame all of this on the advice you seem to be getting from your friends, but I’ve never allowed my kids to get away with that, so I guess I won’t start now with you.

It seems as if in your infatuated, hormone-charged state, you’ve forgotten all about your Christianity. I will most certainly tell you why I don’t believe that condoms are the answer for you, or anyone else for that matter, but in the meantime, maybe you should ask yourself how you got to the point where you even have to pose the question.

I do realize that at universities condoms are being pushed as the cure for all our sexual ills. There have been days at Penn State when students have actually given them away right in front of the Willard Building where I preach. Some can’t understand why I am so against what they are trying to do, since they claim that condoms will not only reduce the instances of sexual disease, but will also lower the abortion rate. What I try to show them is that condoms have been pushed as a solution to these problems since the ’60s, and all these years later, we still have a million to a million and a half abortions a year, and we actually have more sexual diseases now then we did then.

Back in the ’70s, when I was young, all we had to be concerned about was gonorrhea and syphilis, and they were easily curable. Today there are so many sexual diseases that I can’t keep track of them all. Some of them are incurable; others are deadly. How many years will we push the same solution before we admit that it doesn’t work? Do we honestly believe that if condoms haven’t worked in all these years, if we wait another five they will?

Without further delay, let me try and give you some reasons why, at least on the college campus, condoms are not the answer. These may or may not pertain directly to you, but they are part of the sexual culture with which you seem to want to align yourself. Besides, I have confidence that one day the clouds will part, and you will see clearly once more. At that time, some of this information may come in handy.

First of all, guys have known from the beginning of time that it is easier to obtain sex with a woman if she is drunk than if she is sober. If the truth were known, the primary reason for alcohol on a college campus is to prime the pump for sexual encounters. This is both the main reason for pushing condoms and the main reason for their failure.

One problem is that most guys, for all their bluster, don’t really believe that they are actually going to have sex on any particular weekend. Even if some do, they are oftentimes too embarrassed to pick up a condom, despite the fact that most universities are doing everything they can to get them into their hands. In addition, most women, unless they already have a steady boyfriend, won’t carry a condom with them for fear of appearing to be a whore ready to have sex with the first guy she meets.

Most unprotected sex is not done in “long term relationships,” which I admit is a bit of an oxymoron on a college campus, but in casual hookups that are being fueled by alcohol and hormones. This is anything but conducive to clear thinking and cautious behavior.

Even if a guy does happen to have a condom with him during one of these encounters, the chances of him actually using it are slim. A typical scenario would have a guy and a girl who know each other on some level running into one another at a party. They are both intoxicated, and as the night progresses they become more and more sexually attracted to each other. One thing leads to another, and they find themselves in bed about ready to engage in intercourse. At that moment, how many guys in their intoxicated, hormone-charged state will stop everything, rifle through their pants, find their wallet, fish out the condom, open it up, put it on, and only then finish the deed? For most guys in that state, putting on a condom is the furthest thing from their mind.

Even if the thought does occur to them, most would be scared to death to stop the process, for fear that if the girl has a few moments to think, she might begin wondering what she is doing in bed with a guy she barely knows. At that point she may begin having second thoughts, and possibly shut the whole thing down. This, as we all know, is every guy’s worst and most painful nightmare. You see, the real reason condoms will never be effective in preventing sexual diseases and unwanted pregnancies is that the situation in which they are most needed is that in which human nature is least inclined to use them.

Besides, Aaron, the real reason we have a problem with unwanted pregnancies and sexual diseases is not the lack of wearing a condom, but in engaging in sex before marriage. For instance, if your Aunt and I were to engage in sexual relations tonight (sorry about the visual) we would not have to wear a condom to protect us from disease, and our relationship is such that children are welcome. On the other hand, if I went out to the bars tonight, and picked up someone at two in the morning, I’d better be wearing something to protect myself. The problem is, we don’t want to control ourselves, but neither do we want to bear the consequences of our actions.

I’ve tried to relate some of these ideas to those who are pushing condoms at Penn State, but they normally aren’t too inclined to accept them. Not only have condoms become part of the popular wisdom of our day, but abstinence, which is the only real alternative, is unthinkable to most of them.

Anytime anyone begins to publicly proclaim abstinence, he or she immediately gets shot down and are told that it is unrealistic to expect young people in this day and age to control themselves. Proponents are considered to be out of touch and devoid of love for even considering such an idea. On the contrary, it seems to me that those who would say that it is unrealistic for young people to control themselves are disrespecting these young men and women, seeing them as little more than dogs in heat. Human beings can control themselves. Dogs, on the other hand, once they come into heat, simply jump the nearest dog they can find.

Contrary to what we are told, the ones who uphold a reasonably high standard have more respect and love for those they are addressing than they who have the lower standard. As Christians, we believe that human beings have the ability to overcome desires that may be harmful to them, and to choose what is right. Even if those who oppose us believed that sex before marriage was wrong, they still wouldn’t believe that we could do anything about it other than try and protect ourselves from the inevitable consequences.

One final point I’d like to make is that there are those who say that it is futile for parents to talk to their kids about sex. They tell us that teenagers are naturally rebellious, and they will do the opposite of what they are told. Why these same people are pleading with us to talk to our kids about drugs is anybody’s guess. You would think the hypocrisy would be obvious. Be that as it may, if their theory were correct, we should certainly refrain from telling our kids not to murder, rape, or steal, because as soon as we do, they will immediately run out and become criminals.

Why is sex the only thing we shouldn’t be teaching our kids to abstain from, and expecting them to do as we say? I think it’s because my generation began the sexual revolution, and we don’t want to repudiate that which was such a fundamental part of who we were and to a large degree are still. We were rebellious, and so we assume our kids will be rebellious also. Therefore, the best we think we can do is to find some way of protecting them.

Aaron, I urge you not to fall into this trap. I know it sounds good, but even if condoms could save you from some of the physical consequences of your behavior, and that is far from certain, what about the spiritual ones? What is going to save you from them? I have yet to hear of the spiritual equivalent of the condom. 

Very much concerned,

Uncle Greg